What Is Real Love? (And Why Most of Us Get It Wrong)

 

Love Without If

Not a bargain, not a chain,

Not the cure for all your pain.

It doesn’t beg, it doesn’t bind,

It simply is—a state of mind.

Like rivers flowing, stars above,

No need to hold. That’s real love.

Everyone says they want love. But peel back the layers and ask what kind of love? And the answers get slippery. Is it action? Is it a feeling? A choice? Security? Sacrifice?

The trouble is, each answer breaks down under pressure. Action without soul feels mechanical. Feelings fade. Choices can be unchosen. Security often smothers the very aliveness we crave.

So what is real love?

Here’s the hard truth: most of what we call love is a deal dressed up in emotion.

"I’ll give you my warmth if you give me certainty. I’ll stay if you play the role in the story I’ve built since childhood."

That’s not love. That’s negotiation.

Real love begins precisely where the deal collapses.

It isn’t about control, protection, or possession. It doesn’t announce itself with trumpets. It doesn’t need guarantees. Like a flower, it simply is.

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The moment you pluck it to keep it forever, you begin killing the very thing that moved you in the first place.

Think about it: how many times have you thought you were “in love,” only to realize later you were just in love with your idea of someone? You loved their kindness, their scent, their silence, the way they said your name when the world forgot you. But if those things changed, did the love change too?

That isn’t failure, it’s just a reminder that our love often gets tangled in shape, and shapes inevitably shift.

So what is real love?

It’s the space between all the categories we try to cram it into.
It’s not just what you do for someone, or how you feel in the rush of romance. It’s what stays when there’s nothing left to prove.

It doesn’t say, “I love you if.” It says simply, “I love.” Even if they change. Even if they walk away. Even if it’s not returned.

Not because it’s weak or selfless, but because love, real love, is free.

The ego hates this. It craves labels, guarantees, a sense of territory. So it asks anxious questions: What are we? Where is this going? But those aren’t real questions. They’re negotiations.

👉 Ground yourself in stillness, sometimes real love begins in silence. A meditation cushion helps you sit, breathe, and listen.

Real love doesn’t negotiate. It doesn’t cling. It sees clearly and still says yes.

And here’s the paradox: real love won’t make you disappear. It will make you appear. It won’t complete you, it will remind you that you were never incomplete to begin with.

So maybe the better question isn’t: “Will someone give me unconditional love?”
That’s still the ego waiting to receive.

The real question is:
Can I love without needing to hold on? Can I love not to gain, but to be in tune with the act of loving itself?

Because once you can, love stops being something you chase. It becomes something you are.

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